Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Picking up the Pieces...

Quite literally, today. I'm on vacation this week & was hoping for a wonderful getaway from real life to get alone in the quiet places with Jesus and to seek Him about what to do now that some dreams have been shattered (ie grad school). Well, I'll be honest, I have not really been diligent in seeking Him since I've been on this vacation and He allowed something to happen today that has brought a lot of insight to this little season I am in...
Today, I was watching the Adams' little girl while they are both at work, and I was about to take her for a walk in the neighborhood when someone came knocking on the front door. I peeked through the peep hole and saw a little Asian woman standing outside. I opened the door and she proceeded to ask if I was the owner of the white car outside. I am. She apparently was in a huge hurry and backed out of her driveway across the street at mach-90 and rammed into the back passenger side of my car, sending shards of broken taillight as far as 13 feet away, and leaving a huge dent and scrape marks bigger than the size of a basketball....
Don't worry, Shanaynay is still drivable, and her insurance is paying to repair her and for me to drive a rental around for a few days. (My luck it'll be something like a Prius) I'm taking her to their claim center back in GA when I get home from vacation....

Basically, as I sit here and think about the shards of taillight I picked up off the ground and how it is seemingly impossible to repair- I know I couldn't do it- and how it is going to be about a week before she is made whole again, I couldn't help but see these parallels:

1. I can't do it alone
2. The pieces are not going to be put back together, but replaced with a whole new one
3. It's going to take some time
4. It's going to be ok
5. I don't know what it will cost, but Someone is taking care of it for me
6. He has everything under control
7. There's a reason for it all
8. In both instances, I was even a little angry, but was able to emit Grace instead because of Jesus...

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

You are GOOD

The wait is over, the results are in, and after all this waiting, I will not be a full-time graduate student this fall. Sad? Yes. Tears? Oh yea, but in the wisdom of a sweet lady I really look up to, tonight, I was reminded that I had been asking the Lord to make things so clear if grad school was not the door He had open for me, that it would remain shut, and locked, the key being the finances to go.  In a frenzy, I thought, "Lord, do I just not know how to hear Your voice anymore? Didn't You lead me to apply in the first place? What is this place You have brought me to, only to not allow me to cross the threshold?"

After the mail came this afternoon and I sat at the bottom of the driveway tearing into the scholarship letter from Richmont, I sat as the tears welled up after reading the words that rang with all their negative connotation... "unfortunately", "thank you for your interest, but", etc. A flurry of emotions came over me, but the one most shaking was, "Lord, I NEED to hear from You- I'm desperate for You to remind me I am Your sheep and that I hear and know YOUR voice. Please Lord."

In her sweet and gentle spirit, my dear friend reminded me that I had asked the Lord to keep all this in His hands, and that the decisions to make would be clear, and that if the door needed to stay closed that it would. So it did. So in this glorious revelation, I was reminded that I had indeed heard from the Lord. Maybe it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, but He is still God, still so good, and I receive it. Yes, Lord, I receive whatever it is You have in mind, instead of this plan I had in mind for myself. I receive from Your hands because YOU are the GOOD Giver, the GOOD Lover, the GOOD God. May my heart ever be, "yes, Lord" no matter the circumstances.

Now that the dust has settled and I can see a little clearer, and my heart is open to what He will say, I am ready & willing to hear it and boldly respond, "Yes, Lord, because I know that You are good and You are for me and You will never leave nor forsake me. Yes, Lord, because I long to trust and obey. Yes, Lord, because You have the best way, even if it is a painful way. Amen!"

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Perfect Timing

In case anyone was wondering... I'm still waiting to hear about scholarships, but I am ok...

While I'm waiting, will You hold me?
As I fidget, will You comfort me?
While I'm waiting, will You show me what it is?
As I squirm, will You remind me of Your unfailing love?

The Truth of Your word, this prayer You have heard
I know You will lead me & never deceive me
That this timing is Yours and not my own
Perfect provision will prevail and Your plan will be unveiled!

Oh that You would grant me the patience needed for one more day
So that when You've provided, Your Glory will be on display
In this life full of cracks and impatience
Your light will shine through and be full and so gracious

So, I'll hold my horses and wait for Your timing
and in the meantime, keep on rhyming
of the day I look forward to when You show me Your glory
and hide me in the cleft of the rock to display Your story