Patience or Giving Up?

My mailbox has been full daily, but missing the one thing I'm waiting for- scholarship news from Richmont. All week I've come home on my lunch hour, just to see, just to check and make sure if I've received any sort of notification from this school I so desire to attend, but can't unless the Lord provides big time. Several times I've thought about picking up the phone, just to call and see where they are at in the whole process and if I maybe just didn't get my letter-- I know they have the right address! I also know that they probably know my name at this point as many times throughout the application process I had to call for direction. Fear that they will be annoyed at my calling to check up on the status of scholarships has kept me from doing so, when I could probably just already know. BUT, there's something about the mystery of not knowing & trusting that it all really is in His hands & that I don't call the shots that also keeps me from picking up the phone.

I have been in the not-knowing process since November- that's eight months of praying about applying, scrounging up an application fee, preparing all the crazy paperwork for the app, paying for GRE scores to be sent, waiting til after their Christmas break to see if my application and all materials had been received- having to get one of my references to re-submit their recommendation- then the waiting through to March, when I received the acceptance letter, which also included info about paying them lots of money for a confirmation deposit that is non-refundable by mid-July.

How can I make this decision, not knowing what the cost is going to be? I stare at the blinking cursor, feeling the same way about other decisions in my life at this point- how can I decide? Which way do YOU want for me, Lord? What things are things I've come up with on my own that are total distractions from what Your plan is?